I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
