so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Drake has all the answers
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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