My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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