I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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