so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
as a side note pls kill me
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
