I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
