sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
This is my gift to your gina
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
