In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
