I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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