"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
