i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
It's no shave November. This is our time.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
