your thong is hanging out like whoa
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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