winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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