That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
