Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
