dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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