the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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