The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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