I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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