I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
