i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
