I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
