So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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