Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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