just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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