I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize