Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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