i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
this boner is exhausting
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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