So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
