how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
