that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
