My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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