i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
