So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
