Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
there is puke in my bra ... again
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