True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
