the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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