i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Watching her eat just hurts me
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
