So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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