Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
