WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
