why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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