There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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