It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
