So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
