It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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