Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
