After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
