Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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