i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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