This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
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