but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
