i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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