I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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