I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
kristin has been a bad kristin
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I stole a fireplace last night.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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