OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
