Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
