I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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