i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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