the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
