90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
