S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
