My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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