for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
