I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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