Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
