Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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