It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
