so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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