I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize
