Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
