He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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