Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
