And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
