You're my little dorito
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
