i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
