Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
