Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
