I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
