I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
4 words: hood of his car
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
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