don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
