My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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